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A
SSOCIATED
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EWSPAPERS OF
M
ICHIGAN
P
AGE
6
February 7, 2013
My upcoming birthday is going to
be ugly. As the day looms, my mood
continues to darken and my ability
to age with grace diminishes in
direct proportion to the days left
before this awful day arrives.
My sister recently chided me for
my ongoing moaning and complain-
ing about getting on in years. In
effect, she told me to suck it up, life
could be a whole lot worse and I
shouldbe countingmy blessings.
Sure, easy for her to say, she
spends three or four months every
winter in Palm Springs with my
retired (and pretty great) brother-in-
law who is one of the funniest guys
I've evermet.
Add to that, nobody knows how
old she really is, not her husband,
her children or even her best
friends. She is honest to a fault
about everything in her life except
this one little thing. Her age is one of
her deepest secrets and a number
she guards more efficiently than
Cerberus. She also gets just as ugly
as that three-headed dog when any-
one attempts to question her claims,
so she's going to advise me to have a
healthy attitude about aging. Really?
Really?
But still, she's right, I should stop
whining and concentrate on the
good things that reaching a certain
age has to offer.
To make sure that I understood
her message, she sent me this list of
things attributable to old age that
she thinks I shouldbe happy about.
1. Kidnappers are not very interest-
ed in you.
2. In a hostage situation, you are
likely to be released first.
3. No one expects you to run…any-
where.
4. People call you at home at 9 p.m.
and ask, “Did Iwake you?”
5. People no longer view you as a
hypochondriac.
6. There is nothing left to learn the
hardway.
7. Things you buy now won't wear
out.
8. You can eat dinner at 5 p.m.
9. You can live without sex but not
your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments
about pensionplans.
11. You no longer think of speed lim-
its as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stom-
ach in no matter who walks into the
room.
13. You can sing along with elevator
music.
14. Your eyeswon't getmuchworse.
15. Your investment in health insur-
ance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate
meteorologists than the national
weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your
friends because they can't remem-
ber themeither.
18. Your supply of brain cells is final-
ly down tomanageable size.
I could, in my mind, hear my sis-
ter and brother-in-law laughing the
sand out of their bathing suits while
a suntanned waiter named
Alejandro brought them more
drinks with little umbrellas in them
as they dreamt up these tidbits for
me. As if that weren't bad enough,
they had to add one more helpful
hint to the list, in reference to my
approaching birthday.
“Never, under any circumstances,
at your age, take a sleeping pill and
a laxative on the same night,” they
wrote. Just a laugh a minute, these
two.
Good advice
there, sis. I hope
you get the hiccups from your next
margarita, you get sunburned in
hard to reach places and everybody
(including your husband) finds out
just exactly howold you really are.
Remember, before you make one
more 'suggestion,' I'm the one person
in the world who could make that
happen.
The diversion of a portion of the millage voters approved
to support the Detroit Zoo by local communities is a thorny
issue.
Voters approved the .1 of a mill, about a dime for every
$1,000 of taxable value on their homes, with the express con-
viction the funding would go to support the zoo. There can be
no question about that. The millage campaign to support the
tax was very clear that the funding would be used to main-
tain and improve the zoo facility inRoyal Oak.
Most of the tax money did do exactly that, but our local
communities siphoned off a bit more than $200,000 of the
funding during the past four years to support improvements
in local communities, usually through the establishment of a
TIFA district. That's a tax increment authority that allows a
municipality to divert a portion of any tax increase from a
specific area in the community to fund local projects. The
districts are legal and a practice that is commonly utilized,
even when local communities are not as strapped for rev-
enue as the decline in thehousingmarket has left them.
As property tax revenue continued to decline so sharply
and basic municipal services were threatened, communities
used the TIFA districts and the Downtown Development
Authorities to help keep the communities operating, which,
after all, is the job theywere elected or hired to do.
The problem, as we see it, is the lack of education and
communication about these types of districts. Voters who
approved the tax had no idea that it would be used for any-
thing other than the zoo. They cast their votes, either for or
against themillage, with the conviction that the increased tax
they would pay would go to feed the monkeys, buy meat for
the tigers and pay to have veterinary care and clean cages,
among other things, at the zoo.
The voters did get those things, or at least most of them.
The zoo, according to Director Ron Kagan, is doing very well
with the portion of the tax it received. It could, however, do
even better, if all the money, about $700,000 from all the
WayneCounty communities, hadbeen received.
The legal questions surrounding the capture and diver-
sion of the millage have been answered repeatedly. The
problem is that two state attorney generals have said that it is
illegal for the local municipalities to divert the funds while
local municipal attorneys have been united in the opinion
that the capture, under state provisions for these TIFA dis-
tricts, is perfectly legal.
The dispute continues and therewill most likely be a legal
challenge to the diversion, the Zoological Commission could
sue the communities for the return of themoney, the commu-
nities are threatening to sue the Wayne County Treasurer
who ordered them to stop diverting the money after the legal
opinion form the state and anybody else who can think of an
actionable cause in the situation.
It is confusing, but it is most confusing for the voters who
are not familiar with the intricacies of municipal finance.
Many are outraged and vow to never support another mill-
age. They erroneously feel they were misled by the cam-
paigns or victims of a theft by their local governments.
Neither of those things is true. But the issue needs a defi-
nite, indisputable and final legal decision to put everyone
involved on sound and comfortable ground.
Voters approved the .1 of a mill, about a
dime for every $1,000 of taxable value on
their homes, with the express conviction the
funding would go to support the zoo.
”
Legality of zoo tax capture needs answered
Attempts
to harm
pets are
despicable
We can find very little compas-
sion or mercy for the unmitigated
cruelty of the person or persons
strewing a Canton Township area
with pet treats and food containing
needles, construction staples and
other sharpmetal objects.
The owners of pets who take
their animals to the area for exer-
cise have unwittingly placed their
beloved animals in harms way and,
in some cases, in life threatening
peril because of the inhumane and
cruel actions of those leaving the
lethal treats. This is beyond vicious
and malevolent and presents a
threat not only to the household
pets taken to the park, but to the
wildlife in the area. The park
attracts many small creatures from
a nearby wooded area which are
just as likely to ingest these barbar-
ic pieces of food. Thewildlife, how-
ever, does not have a human care-
taker to provide veterinary care
should they eat this evidence of a
debasedmind.
We think this conduct is inex-
cusable, no matter who may have
perpetrated such a brutal and
monstrous act. Police say that this
animal cruelty could lead to crimi-
nal charges. We would certainly
hope so and support the most
severe penalties provided by law
to punish whomever might be
responsible for this perverse and
evil action.
Household pets usually become
very dear to their owners. These
dogs and cats are most often
beloved by their owners who suffer
extreme grief when anything unto-
ward happens to their “best
friends”. That emotional trauma
But still, she's right, I should stop
whining and concentrate on the
good things that reaching
a certain age has to offer.
”
Apparently ridicule accompanies old age
See
Pets,
page 7