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January 16, 2014
OK, it was my own fault. I know
that. I admit it.
See, I'm not used to being on the
receiving end of practical jokes and
I was not handling this well at all. It
started out as an innocent mistake
onmy part. I was really trying to do
a good thing for a change. I found
these clever little books that I
thought would amuse two of my
grandsons and be swell little stock-
ing-stuffer-like presents for
Christmas. The little books, howev-
er, had titles like, That's a Fact,
Jack, and What Your Government
Doesn't Want You toKnow and they
were chockablock full of mundane,
but interesting trivia.
What I didn't realizewas that my
grandsons would decide that I
would be the harbinger and
decider of who would discover the
most arcane, interesting or just
plan looney item and that they
would find it acceptable to contact
me through anymeans available, at
any time, as their little game pro-
ceeded. Since they got going, I've
been contacted in Kroger's, at the
dentist, attempting tomerge on 696,
and with half a sandwich stuffed in
my mouth at Burger Spot. I have
also listened to one or both of them
while attempting to make dinner,
trying to take a bath and fighting
my way through after-Christmas
sales crowds on the blizzard-fueled
icy roads.
Look, it isn't funny. Well, OK,
maybe it is if youweren't onmy end
of it.
How would you enjoy being
halfway through blow drying your
hair to hear something like:
Grandma, I got one, Potatoes have
more chromosomes than humans
do-48 versus 46. He can't top that.
The answer to that one? Mr.
PotatoHeadwas the first toy adver-
tised on television. I learned that
while trying to use a curling iron
and a telephone at the same time.
I was trying to conduct a busi-
ness interview only to be sum-
moned to the phone and told: The
steam rising from a cup of coffee
contains the same amount of
antioxidants as three oranges.
Since these two started their lit-
tle contest, I also learned things
like:
Humans swallow a quart of snot
a day.
There are roughly 14,400 mos-
quitoes for every human onEarth.
Every 20 minutes, the world's
human population increases by
3,500. In the same time, one or
more species of animal or plant life
is wiped out-roughly 27,000 species
per year.
Winston Churchill had a heart
attack in the White House while
straining to open a bedroom win-
dow.
Members of the U.S. Congress
are the world's highest paid legisla-
tors.
William McKinley was the first
president to ride in an electric car-
the ambulance that took him to the
hospital after he was shot by an
assassin.
The average lifespan of an NHL
hockey puck is seven minutes.
Those that don't fly into the stands
are removed because they warm
up from friction and bounce on the
ice. Game pucks-chilled to minus
10 degrees Fahrenheit for maxi-
mum performance-are kept in a
freezer in the penalty box.
The Bible is the most shoplifted
book in theworld.
Throughout its lifetime, an ele-
phant goes through six sets of teeth.
The elephant starves to death once
the sixth set of teeth falls out.
Under the Federal Food, Drug
and Cosmetic
Act, leeches
and maggots
are categorized
asmedical devices.
Charlie Chaplin once lost a
Charlie Chaplin look-alike contest.
He failed even tomake the finals.
The most common name for pri-
vately owned boats is Serenity. The
second most common is Wet
Dream.
On average, women utter 7,000
words a day; menmanage just over
2,000.
At one in 176million, the odds of
winning a Mega Millions jackpot
are extraordinarily slim. You are
more likely to be crushed by a
vending machine, give birth to
identical quadruplets, become
president of the United States or
die in an asteroid apocalypse than
win the lottery.
Antarctica is the only continent
withno owls.
At minus 90 degrees Fahrenheit,
your breath will freeze in midair
and fall to the ground.
You can put out a fire with
soundwaves.
One out of fivemeals inAmerica
is eaten in a car.
The universe is beige. According
to astronomers at Johns Hopkins
University, the color of all light in
the universe is hexadecimal RGB
value #FFF8E7. This color is now
referred to as "cosmic latte."
AND: If you put a mirror one
light-year away from Earth and
looked at it through a telescope,
you would see two years into
Earth's past.
I made that last one up,
declared it the winner, and told
each of them the other one got it
and ended the game. But, here's the
thing. My life isn't anywhere near
half as much fun anymore and
damn, I miss hearing from those
two.
I gotta find some more of those
books.
January is the month set aside to
recognize and say thank you to an
often overlooked group of elected
community officials.
School Board Recognition Month
is an effort to celebrate these indi-
viduals who are often called “the
most important volunteers in the
country.”
These volunteers campaign for
election to these offices often spend-
ing a great deal of their own money.
Once successfully elected as a mem-
ber of one of the local school boards,
they face some of the toughest chal-
lenges in government today as they
try to provide the best educations
possible within shrinking budgets
and reduced resources.
When something goes right in the
schools, like terrific or greatly
improved scores on the Michigan
Assessment tests, it isn't often any
parent stands up at a school board
meeting to thank the people who
have directed the resources to make
that happen. But, should there be a
controversy, should a parent find an
objectionable passage in a textbook
or what might be interpreted as a
racial or misogynistic reference in
the reading assignments, those
school board members suddenly
have huge targets painted on their
backs and in themiddle of their fore-
heads.
The job of a school board mem-
ber is to help establish the vision,
mission and goals of a school district
and to help develop policies to meet
those goals. They do not choose
every textbook or reading assign-
ment, nor are they personally
responsible for the hiring of every
individual teacher, believe it or not.
They set the tone, the goals and
manage multi-million dollar budgets
and they do it as volunteers with no
more reward than having con-
tributed something back to their
community. Are there some using the
office to further political ambitions
or to bolster a sagging ego? Probably,
but we haven't seen them around
here in a long time.
These people dedicate hours and
hours of their time to this job, with
no financial reward. They use their
own resources to help improve the
atmosphere and opportunity to learn
in the community they serve in what
can often be not only a thankless job,
but one that too often includes per-
sonal insults from irate parents,
annoyed about one cause or another.
They continue to do the job, how-
ever, and when board vacancies
occur, there is no lack of candidates
seeking the opportunity to take on
this challenge.
This is just our way of saying
thanks to these folks, who continue
to dedicate their personal time, skills
and talents to help make our com-
munity a better place for every one
of us.
We would urge residents to follow
our example and offer a quick
thanks by email to these folks who
are listed on the respective district
websites.
We can all learn a lesson from the
example of public service they set.
This week, local officials announced that the City of Inkster
would be joining the recently merged Wayne-Westland Fire
Department.
We think this is probably a very good thing, particularly for
the residents of Inkster and probably for the Wayne-Westland
Department.
It is no secret that the City of Inkster has severe and ongoing
problems in all aspects of governance. The financial condition
of the community makes the appointment of an emergency
manager a near certainty, unless RichardMarsh, the newguy in
the city manager's office, is able to make some significant
changes. We wish him well in that Herculean task, but if the
past truly is prologue, hehas a very slimchance of success.
The financial crisis in the housing market hit Inkster harder
than many other communities and tax revenue, which is based
onhome values, took a steepdrop in a community already oper-
atingway beyond their financial means. Themisguided effort of
the city council members and mayor to load part of the finan-
cial burden onto residents with an outrageous water rate
increasewas recently struck down in court.
We give Marsh credit, however. His recent efforts to come to
an amicable and workable agreement with the police depart-
ment may prove financially sound, although we do worry about
depending on Michigan State Police and the Wayne County
Sheriff for local police protection and enforcement. It is no
secret that the sheriff's office has serious budget problems and
should there be a shift in priorities, they will be long gone. That
is the case, too, with the state troopers, who will put the state
needs above local patrols and investigations.
Marsh deserves praise, too, for this fire agreement, which is
more a courtship than amarriage. The three communities have
agreed to have Wayne-Westland Fire Chief Michael Reddy, Jr.
manage the combined department for six months. Reddy said
at a recent council meeting that he felt that timewould give him
the opportunity to take a look at the operational levels and
needs of the Inkster community and determine if a permanent
intergovernmental arrangement was a good fit.
We are impressed with that logic and commend Marsh,
Reddy, Westland Mayor William Wild and Wayne Mayor Al
Haidous for the approach taken to the new arrangement. Wild,
especially, has been a promoter and activist for these kinds of
shared governmental services. The merger of the Wayne Fire
Department withWestland has proven a serious cost savings for
both those communities at an increased efficiency level. With
the very public financial problems inWayne, it was a step in the
right direction for that community.
We are well aware that this success story could have a com-
pletely different result were it not for the professional conduct
of those involved in this merger. Other attempts, in other com-
munities, have failed miserably due to the immature, power-
hungry and ego driven personalities involved. It is also no
secret that those failures have resulted in a threat to the safety
of residents in those communities.
Wild and Haidous have proven, however, that shared servic-
es of this type can work, and work more efficiently, providing
better service at a lower cost to the public. They have each put
the welfare of their community and their residents ahead of
their own parochial or political interests which would appear
to be the real key to the success of these agreements. Wild has
entered into other agreements, one with Canton Township for
water employees, that is also proving beneficial for both com-
munities.
We hope this latest arrangement with Inkster works as well.
Residents of that community deserve no less.
With the very public financial problems
in Wayne, it was a step in
the right direction for that community.
School board
deserves thanks
On average,
women utter 7,000 words a day;
men manage just over 2,000.
”
The war of little known facts of doubtful value
”
New fire agreement could benefit entire area